My Life's Journey.

My brother: “There’s no way to smash the glass on this one.”

Me: “Yes there is. It’s part of the achievement…”

“No it says you can only do this oh chamber 6 to 11. This isn’t 11.”

“Yes it is or why else would there be a monitor to smash . .”

“I’ll show you the sign it’s not num- *sign says test chamber 11* … Shut up.”

“ha! I told you! >:)”

I wish I had video taped it. It was too perfect :)

If you someone ignores you and they expect you not to say something back one day when you’ve had enough of the way you’ve been treated… That’s not going to happen. We are people with feelings too. We’re tired of being hurt.

I see so many people doing this now. If you don’t consider everyone’s feelings you’re going to lose a lot of people that have been there forever. I don’t understand how you can replace another person or just pretend they’ll be there forever. I’ve seen so many people do this in the past few years and in the end I don’t see how it’s worth it. Or how’s it appealing. I remember how I tried to stop talking to Bri because I didn’t like the way she was she’d use me at times or manipulate things. But after we talk that out she became better about it because we Talked. I couldn’t imagine life without her now. She’s lost friends like no tomorrow over dumb shit, but because those idiots we’re backstabbers. Sams told me about how his friends we’re there and then they just got sick of him venting and left.. So many others.. I don’t understand how you can be so close and then Bam. No more talking, no more friendship, just memories.

What if you ditched a friend for someone who’d only use you in the end or someone that didn’t get you. Or the wrong person. I don’t know. People like to do that because they’re pretty or they seem okay on the outside but their insides and soul aren’t as they seem. Nothing makes sense anymore -_- that’s why I find myself saying I don’t want to live on this planet anymore… Too much bad is corrupting the world… No one cares about feelings. or anything it seems.

I know you’re suppose to look for the good in this world but it’s really hard these days.

I’m never going to really grow up fully. Not really.

I want to be young forever and a kid at heart always. But I know the young forever part isn’t possible and I know it’s scares me. But I’m slowly getting used to the idea of things.

I know I’ve got to learn to cook more, eat better, exercise a bit more, worked on my anger some and definitely found things that make me calm. I actually am eating better though, I do eat vegetables sometimes. rarely but sometimes! I wanted to learn how to cook from my grandma… but she didn’t get to in time. So I want to make her proud and be half the cook she was. No one can ever be an amazing cook like her. It’s just not possible. She did it with such ease too! She was such a master of so many things. She was definitely the ultimate housewife. But she did have to take care of a lot of siblings. 6 or 7. o.o; She was the oldest. So she definitely had her reasons for excelling in so much<3
I don’t ever want to lose music in my life. I want to always be passionate about it, hearing certain times just makes my heart swell and I get lost in it so easily. It’s a reason why I want to pick up my flute again and why I want to learn the guitar. I really want to re-learn bassoon and saxophone. I’m always going to have that soft spot for symphony music. <3 
I also want to learn to dance some and let loose a little more. Which I do sometimes when I drink some but I want to be able to do that without drinking too. 
I also hope that I never lose my passion for video games. lol I love playing them and I love teaching others about games. It’s something that me and Joey really love to do as well. I always want to keep that. :)
Oh and I want to read more! I miss reading. I really want to re-read the Harry Potter series. I’ve started on the Hunger Games series but I have to wait until I get  paid next week to get the last two books. :/ I have the City of Bones series too and I have not started those. I need to! I think I will~ I’ll bring the first one with me to work on Saturday because I believe I have a long break since I’m working 6 1/2 hours. When I think about it it’s not so bad since we’ve worked 4 each day for training and we’re really busy so it goes by fast. Also since we can get on a register now it’ll definitely fly. I was surprised seeing that I was working on Saturday since none of the other two girls were put on. :/ I feel the pressure. ahhh<3 
But what I’m getting paid this week makes me excited. I know it may not seem like a lot to people if I told them but to me it’s like “That much!? SWEET!” I can’t wait to see what my hours our next week. Hopefully it’ll triple this weeks pay. :)) If not, double would be cool! haha 
I know my grandma is smiling at me and watching everything I’ve been doing. She knows what I’ve done was right. I know if she was still here and I told her about everything she’d have choice words to say about things. But I know in my heart already what she’d say. That she’s proud of me for getting a job and proud of what I plan to do with my future. She always was.
So is my dad even though we always don’t see eye to eye and we butt heads. I think he knows that I plan to move out some day soon. I’ve talked to Stephanie about it some and I know she said she told my dad a little about it. I’m just afraid to leave my dad by himself when he needs a break from the crazy lady called Stephanie. Or when my brother needs a talking to or a beating up. (Not really beating him, figure of speech y’all.)

I think my brother will miss me most, because deep down at the end of the day he’s pretty much my support from the craziness of this house when I can’t talk to Joey. He’s in his weird teenage phase and he’s quite a handful but hopefully he’ll grow out of it. He’s got a loooooooooong way to go but I think he’ll get it. Dad said he was going to put him into ROTC. Even if I think this is a good idea partially he might just be a handful and just be that annoying kid we hated in ROTC class and ruined it for everyone on uniform days. lol But I don’t know. . He may actually surprise us. I hope he does. 
I can’t believe he’s going into high school… guh I feel old. kind of. 21 is like the age I like. Besides 19. that was a good year. 20 just sucked… I feel like I want to block out most of that year but if I do I’ll be losing parts of myself. I don’t need to do that. I can’t really block out bad memories because they gave lessons.. That’s one thing we should always keep in mind. We all experience bad times but we have to push past them and learn from them to grow. Bad stuff happens for a reason… even if we don’t understand it quite fully… maybe with time we will. I just don’t want to be regretful of things anymore. I’ve lived my life regretting a lot but with time I’m telling myself, “Hey, there’s a reason why that didn’t happen, or you didn’t do that. Head up kiddo. One day you can do that on your own and you’ll have your head held high and mastered what you wanted to.” 

So do the best you can with your life and have fun. But don’t go crazy and spend money you shouldn’t! That’ll screw you over and Karma’s gonna slap you! Also if you spend all your money you could screw yourself over in a lot of ways. o.o No noms… no sweets. No PIZZA?! Oh god I want pizza now.. Or Ice cream… or cake. *____* OR BOOKS! OR CUTE CLOTHES! Or stockings… or masquerade masks! or going out with your fri- Okay no… you don’t need to splurge on that stuff. BUT if you do by some chance find a really good deal on clearance… LIKE A REALLY GOOD DEAL. Go for it. Like this Fox 2 piece Bathing Suit I found for 20$ and it was 70$ originally. I was like SAY WHAT?! I’ll be back for you next week bathing suit *.* You fit me perfectly!!

Okay I think I’m done rambling… for tonight. My mind is starting to go every where so time to watch youtube videos. :) OlgaKay and Toby Turner<3 and various let’s players! I might even watch Michelle Phan because I looove her make up tutorials but I never have anything to do them with… so I just get sad. But she’s an inspiration like all my other youtube loves. :] MadameWario is another<3 Just too many amazing people~ 

Alright you crazy cats! Take care of yourself and don’t over do it. Peace out<3